Richmond Zinefest recap

I don't know how to describe my experience at the Richmond ZineFest. I walked in feeling like I was just happy to be nominated and I left feeling like I had won the Super Bowl.

The event was on two floors and had 100 tables. I was on the first floor, but in a room that was two lefts and one right away from the entrance. Once I found my table my first thought was, well I am screwed. I am not making my sells goal today. I brought 30 copies with me, with a sells goal of ten and trade five. I was the only person in the room for awhile. I wanted to leave, is it too late to leave.

As I sat there listening to Gucci Man rap about how much money he has, more people started to showed up and they brought supplies. Table cloths, magazine racks and displays stands. Me I just had copies of my zine and a jack-o'-lantern half full of candy. I sat there dumbfounded like I didn't know we could have displays, magazine racks and more importantly why didn't anyone tell me about table cloth. If I was trying to fake it until I make it about my confidence, this killed it.

The more people who came in seem to know all each other. I met a few people the day before at the two panels I attended but they were all downstairs. I signed up to share a table with another zine, I figured it would be a great way to network or at least I would have someone who could watch my stuff while I went to the bathroom. I even brought an extra bottle of water for them and they never showed.

The table to my left, was a student group from William and Mary, I didn't get a full count by there was at least seven of them. All but one* had on matching t-shirts with their group's logo on it, I just shook my head and said, "you got to be kidding me."  

Some time goes by and I make eye contact with the woman who has the table across from me. She's a punk rock art school type. She comes over to my table and checks out my zine. First thing she mentions is the glossy paper and how she likes it. Glossy costs a bit more, but it looks legit and it grabs people's attention. She reads my zine and laughs a few times. I can tell she she wants a copy so I offer a trade. We trade zines and she tells me that her name is Zoe. She wishes me good luck in selling my zine.

Some time goes by and I say screw it. I'm making contact with the table to the left of me. I tell them that their shirts make them seem like the real deal, I am a little nervous to sit next to you guys. They respond back to me with "your glossy paper is the real deal, we barely made our zine two weeks ago on regular paper. How did you do that?" After hearing that I didn't feel so bad for not having table cloth or matching t-shirts.

I don't think I made a sell the first hour, if I did it was near the end of the first hour. I had a lot of people tell me that they liked the glossy paper, most that looked through the zine laughed. People talked about "Hobo Cop", "Morning Announcements" and my Clint Eastwood joke "Dirty Harry Vaginas". I did sell a copy just on the strength of my Shakespeare joke "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are baking bread". One copy I sold to a lady at a very low price because she looked like a woman I had a crush on in college**. I traded with a guy a half a table down me from me, who read it between customers and would notify me through the hour on which jokes he liked.

Mostly it was a lot of people who looked, laughed and didn't buy. All my years in retail were preparing me to deal with this kind of rejection. I lost a couple of sells because I forgot my damn Venmo name. I did direct a few people to this websitewho wanted to do digital payment. Nothing so far, next time I will be ready.

Sells started to pick up closer it got to 2 pm. It would come in waves, I get a bunch of lookers then a sell or two. I think around 2 pm I hit my sells goal, it felt good but since I sold a couple of copies at a discount I knew I had to keep selling. Some point I changed my pitch up, not because it wasn't working I just got tired of hearing me saying it . I borrowed a line from my friend Cassy B description of my zine, "absurd humor". I started describing it as "absurd comedy meets a more adult Mad Magazine". I know I made at least one sell off of that pitch.

Somewhere during this time, I start talking with one of members of the student group from William and Mary, named David. David like myself grew up overseas, we talk about how weird it is to explain where we are from. I asked David if he can watch my table while I go to the bathroom. The only working men bathroom is downstairs. I go downstairs for the first time and get a real sense of how big this event is. I get a little disappointed that I won't get to experience the fest as a customer if I stay at my table all day. I get back to table, David tells me he had a few lookers but no buyers.

Around 3 pm, some random lady, takes a look at my zine, doesn't buy but says that they need more humor zines at the fest and that she really liked the glossy paper. After that I decided that I am done for the day, I want to hit the sells floor. I say goodbye to David and try to give him a copy, he offers to buy a copy instead. Sure why not, less stuff for me to carry. I try to sell a copy to a married copy and the husband doesn't bite, but the wife does. She stops her husband and tells him to come back to the table and asks me a bunch of questions like if I did the illustrations and the layout. I got that question a lot, I wanted to tell people it's on the first page, I did the writing and Jessica did the rest. My buddy Jake Blas did the cover.

After all her questions the wife buys a copy. I start packing up my stuff when two women from student group on my left show up, they told me that they had read "Knife Fight" and they want to read more. I quickly sold them copies, packed up my stuff and went home. I didn't realize how I had sold until I started packing up to leave.

I sold 19 copies, traded 7 copies, and donated two copies. I can't wait for next year,  where I will bring a friend and table cloth.

*She had her own personal poetry zine that she was selling about sunflowers and what I believe she said was sexuality or gender. She was also selling mystery poems for 50 cents. Which I now that I think about it, I really wish she was selling a set of poems about rapper 50 Cents solving mysteries.

**From the look on her face, I could my zine was her jam and the low price made her day, don't judge me.

My favorite moments of the Richmond ZineFest

My favorite moments of the Richmond ZineFest

1. A guy I traded zines with a few tables down from me, giving me random updates throughout the day on which jokes he liked, "Knife Fight" and "Person Seeking Person".

2. A married couple having a nonverbal conversation about buying a copy of my zine, then out of nowhere the wife handing me money.

3. I sold a guy working the table to the left of me a copy, twenty minutes later two women from his table stopped me as I was trying to leave for the day. They tell me that they read "Knife Fight" and have to read the rest. We had been sitting next to each for most of the day and they paid me little to no attention at all. I was taken back by the whole thing. of course I sold them copies.

Luigi’s Pizza Palace

Tony: Hey Luigi, why you look so sad?

Luigi: Linda is leaving me, Tony.

Tony: I’m so sorry, Luigi.

Luigi: You know what this means for the Pizza Palace, Tony?

Tony: No, Luigi.

Luigi: It means HALF PRICED PIZZAS ON TUESDAYS! ALL SIZES, ALL DAY, HALF PRICE! Dine in or carry out only.

Tony: Half price pizzas on Tuesdays, all sizes, all day, dine in or carry out only? That’s crazy! That’s almost like giving it away!

Luigi: And it doesn’t stop there Tony. On Thursdays I’ll give any customer who tries our new “She’ll Never Get A Single Dime From Me” lunch buffet, two free stamps on their Luigi’s Pizza Palace Frequent Eaters card.

Tony: Now I know you’re crazy! Two free stamps on their Frequent Eaters card, that’s madness. You okay, Luigi, you need me to call you a doctor?

Luigi: I’m feeling great, Tony.

Tony: Then why you make such crazy deals?

Luigi: Because at Luigi’s Pizza Palace our customers are like family, so if my soon to be ex-wife is going to get half, then the customers are going to get half on Tuesdays!

Tony: Luigi, with deals like this, how are we going to make any money?

Luigi: Just because my life is going to pieces doesn’t mean our customers’ wallets have too, so come on down to Luigi’s Pizza Palace--great food, better prices.

Tony: Seriously Luigi, you should see a therapist about Linda.

Hobo Cop

In a world where there is no hope, where violence, fear and economic turmoil reign supreme, the people cry out for a hero. A hero who can face tough times head on. A hero who not only can save the day, but also work on a very tight budget, the world cries out for Hobo Cop. Harrison Ford stars as a new type of hero who hands out his own brand of justice, Hobo Justice.  Hobo Cop: half man, half cop, half hobo…Full hero! This Thanksgiving justice has a new code, the hobo code.

What is Million Dollar Underwear FAQ

What is Million Dollar Underwear?

Million Dollar Underwear is a humor zine written by Joel Barber, featuring material co-written with Natalia Mercado. With Illustrations and layout by Jessica Little.  Covers by Jake Blas.

How would you describe Million Dollar Underwear?

It's slice of life humor mixed with the absurd. Think Mad Magazine, Think Mr. Show with Bob and David, Think the 90's Simpsons,  Think Simon Rich's "Ant Farm" and you have an idea of Million Dollar Underwear is like.

Why is the zine called Million Dollar Underwear, is it only jokes about underwear?

Million Dollar Underwear was the working title of the zine, that somehow stuck. The title comes from a freestyle rap Joel did while he was cleaning his bathroom(the only place he will ever rap, the world isn't ready for his bathroom raps). There are no jokes about underwear, sorry underwear humor enthusiast.

How long is the zine?

23 pages.

Is it in color or black and white?

Black and White.

Is this an ongoing zine or just a one off?

Right now, Million Dollar Underwear is a three part mini series, but if the sells are good and reviews are positive there might be another issue or two after the mini series.

When is the next issue coming out?

The next issue is scheduled for release early summer 2017, stay to this site for updates.

Summer 2017 really?

We want to put out the best quality material as possible and that takes time. We here at Million Dollar Underwear feels we set the bar high with this first issue and we want to top it for the following issues.

Is Million Dollar Underwear really the title?

Yes!