Rest in peace to Alexander "Jay" Felix. I didn't know Jay well. He was a friend of a friend in high school. I liked him. He was funny and fun to be around. We didn't hang out that often, but there are two moments that will forever stay with me. I was on the bus after school, and Jay got on the bus excited, telling us that he had asked his crush out. That she said she would go out with him, if he got straight As on his next report card. As an adult I think, "Oh man that's terrible, just tell him you're not interested." As a teenage boy, I remember thinking, "that's not a no. You still got a chance."

I remember that entire bus ride home, Jay hyping himself up to study more and get better grades. I remember getting off that bus thinking Jay is going to do it. He is going to get his grades up. Fast forward two or three weeks, report card or progress report time rolls along, and I see Jay on the bus after school. Someone asked him about his crush, and he said, "If she can't accept me as who I am, then she doesn't deserve to be with me." I felt for Jay in that moment. I really did. At the same time, it was funny. To me, at the time, it felt like a joke that could have been on the Simpsons. I can’t tell if this is me looking back at as an adult or if I felt this way as a teenager, but it was vulnerable as hell.

In creative writing classes, they always tell you pull from what you know, use your life experiences. This story with Jay would float in and out of my stand-up act. I didn't like my stand-up act, but I did always like telling this story. I was really proud to see some version of it end in my zine a few years ago.

I'm sad to hear that Jay passed away last week. We had lost contact years ago, but my condolences to his friends and family.